The Best Generation
by Prinnyramza
Summary: Congratulations are on your child's/children's enrollment to our school. Well to truly begin the school year I would like nothing more but to formally introduction the school newsletter. This is a way that I, the headmaster likes to keep the parents of our precious little angels inform about the ongoings here in Generation Academy.


Dear guardian and friends,

Congratulations are on your child's/children's enrollment to our school. I know that there are fears and reservations connected with enrollment to a privately run education facility. You might have questions such as "are we in it to make money?" or "how will we stay connected with our child(s)?"

Well to truly begin the school year I would like nothing more but to formally introduction the school newsletter. Hello. This is a way that I, the headmaster likes to keep the parents of our precious little angels inform about the ongoings here in Generation Academy.

Just to clarify that this is really me, the headmaster. I do not have my secretary write this nor any other member of the staff. I believe that your concerns should always be my top priority. It is your children's education that is on the line and for that I would like to say 'thank you.' Thank you for putting your faith in me and this little experiment of mine and in return I can freely write my promise. I swear that this generation of studies will be the best generation of students.

Back on topic, consider these messages the gateway to the livelihood of the campus and a stay to stay in touch with your kids. I am of course not saying that my writing, as proud of it I am is or could ever be a full replacement for personal bonding time with your offsprings. There are of course options for that. They are free to call either with their cell phones or if they are desperate there are several landlines in house if they can figure out that obsolete and unknown ancient technology.

Might I suggest discovering social media? I know that the interface of the internet can be ever changing and confusing but it is the quickest way to keep in touch and you can really get a understanding of a child's mind thanks to their age appropriate lack of self restraint against the dangers of oversharing.

Now that we have discuss the communication issue, let us move onto the issue of commence. I am glad to announce that we have a record number of grants provided to the student body. Some would say that this should not be considered impression nor should it call for an announcement considering that this is the first year for Generation Academy and so there was no record to begin with. I will just say that it makes my heart soar to give students this opportunity and I hope that this number only grows next year and the years that follow.

These grants were thanks to parents such Ms Nora Wakeman, Ms Roxy Lalonde, Mrs Moon Butterfly and Mr Preston Northwest who donated and/or bribed the school, providing many of the classmates of their individual children with what I would like to believe is top notch education. Thank you. Almost all of you are not horrible.

We also have several sponsors who provide the school with the funds, equipment and personnel we need to keep our curriculum at the level we aim for. Allow me a moment to also thank them: , Division 6, XCom, SCP Foundation, and Disney.

Many would consider your companies and/or organizations to be 'mysterious' or even 'sinister'. I would prefer, thanks to circumstance to use wording which is a bit more positive like 'swell'. I think you guys are swell.

Now I know that you don't want me to talk your ears off or 'write' them off I guess you would say in this particularly case. I will just say that I am very excited to hear from each and every one of you this school year. Yes even you Mr Northwest or rather the servant responding in place of Mr Northwest.

Remember that these conversations aren't meant to be a one way street. Feel free to write back to my office. Unfortunately the exact address is to remain a secret partly for the security of your children and partly because anytime I try to write down the coordinates my fingers all start to profusely bleed as if the meat surrounding each joint was torn with something akin to a shark's tooth.

I could try again but you must understand parents that I have started this letter several times with the same results, accomplishing nothing but ruining perfectly good paper. Trying once more would simply produce a waste of paper and we here in Generation Academy take the conservation of paper and the trees in which we fillet to make said paper very seriously. Also I don't believe that the aforementioned shadowy sponsors will be appreciative if they hear me wasting precious funds solely for a singular letter, nor will they be very happy to hear about the computer, telegraph and trained messenger pigeon which all were all my previous attempts in relaying this message to you. These however suffered by a virus, spontaneous melting and cannibalism by other pigeons.

The last one was strange because I did not know that the window in my office could be opened from the outside nor did I even remember there being a window in my office to begin with.

I remember specially building my office with thick concrete and steels walls and no windows in order avoid any possible assassination attempts. A man has to be able to relax somewhere without the constant threat of death which permeates through all our frail and squishy meat bodies.

Oh well I guess I'll have to live with the paranoia like the rest of the flesh beings. The window itself is actually quite well crafted by whoever had the forethought of putting it in for the purpose of pigeon murder. It gives the room a real gothic feel which is quite beautiful to take in. After all it is probably too early in the school year to worry about assassinations.

I think that this lack of a knowable location should be seen in a different light. Think of all the hooligans, undesirables and left handed people your children will avoid by the protection gain from no one being able to write, type or speak the location of the campus. When I think of it in that manner it actually brings me peace of mind and I hope it is the same for you. Through as a safety measures I will have to restrict communication of the faculties location in order to protect the students. This will be placed near the beginning of the student guide to insure that they read it because it is a really large book and to be honest towards the back of the book they become more suggestions then actually hard rules. I suggest that you don't modify the uniform to make show off your midriff. I suggest you go right to bed at the 9 PM curfew. I suggest not building nuclear armaments right under this very school. After a while I felt like I was just adding regulation to fill up space.

The rule about discussing the campus' location will be on top right after respecting and not murdering other members of the student body. This will reflect about how seriously I view this particular subject matter.

This change will be added to the electronic copy of the guide on the school's website whenever my secretary has to time to be bothered to do so. It will be also added retroactively to each student's personal copy. Don't worry I won't have interrupt their academics, socializing nor club activities by having them stalk all the way to my office to pick up a new copy. Instead the pages themselves will shift around to make way for the new rule next time they aren't looking at the book which most likely is right now because let's be honest, which kid is actually looking at their student handbook?

In want of a location to send your letters. I have instead asked of the personnel provided by our sponsors to see to the retrieval and delivery of your messages. In order to get their attention simply arrange the insignia provided on the ground outside using either stones or other objects that are just lying around outside your homes. Simply place the letter in the middle and wait as a helicopter hovers above the symbol and a man bungees down to swipe the paper or paper like object away.

You may do this between the hours of 12:00 AM to 11:59 PM. I suggest that you do this in an area clear of trees or anything else that might obscure the insignia from the satellites which are always watching you. These hours of course don't include holidays.

Those satellites operators and delivery helicopter personnel have families too you know and they wish to spend these important holidays with them.

Alternately you may send your letters to my private email as it is displayed on the school's website.

That should make it easier on all of you, especially you the servant and most likely emergency food source working under Mr Northwest.

Now before I joint down my signature I would like to leave you all with a word provided by a young student here by the name of Dreemurr, "Zero."

I don't quite understand what he, she and/or they meant when they articulated this number to me but for a reason I could not understand it filled me with relief and made me ready to continue the school year with fresh determination.

Thank you for your time,  
The Headmaster.


End file.
